Frustaci: The Wedding Planner

For the last 11 months, I’ve had a second job. It isn’t exactly a job by conventional standards because I haven’t been taking home a paycheck to show for my work. I haven’t been moonlighting at Target or Chili’s.

My second job can’t even be considered an internship, because I haven’t gained career experience. I didn’t fill out an application or go through an interview process, and my “employment” will end as quickly as it began with no two-weeks notice.

On Aug. 18, 2007, I was thrust into the part-time job of wedding planning—the temporary job that pig-tailed little girls dream of. But unlike many little girls, I never had that princess-perfect image of what my Big Day would be like.

Nonetheless, after my boyfriend of two years got down on one knee and asked for my hand in marriage, it was time to get to work.

I had no idea how much goes into planning a wedding, or how many decisions I was about to make. Did I mention that making decisions isn’t exactly my forte? After all, I am a Libra.

But after sifting through wedding magazines, searching the Internet, checking out a wedding expo and calling vendors, things started to fall in place. I must say, I have absolutely loved every moment—well, maybe not every single one—but at least the vast majority.

That said, I’m glad it has come to an end, that normal life can resume and I will no longer be in wedding-overtime mode. It’s time to turn my position over to the next brides-to-be. I wish them well. And since we are still in the midst of wedding season, I thought I would share some lessons from the wedding-planning trenches.

1. It’s in the genes.

Ladies, you may have the best catch in the world, but the truth of the matter is, he’s still a guy. Sure, he may sweep the crumbs off the floor and you off your feet. He may arguably live up to the title of Mr. Perfect, but when it comes to wedding planning, expect him to drag his feet a little bit.

When you ask him to compile his guest list or to get the addresses of his friends, don’t expect it to be done when it would be done if you were doing it. Chances are your sense of urgency is much different from his. He can’t help it—it comes with that Y chromosome. It will get done in due time.

Guys, you may never understand why she cares about the color of the tablecloths or why she wants to register for crystal that she will never use. In all honesty, there probably isn’t a logical answer.

I hate to admit it, but women don’t always make perfect sense. We are prone to worry about things that aren’t worth worrying about. That’s what we do. The sooner I realized there are bound to be inherent differences because of gender, the easier it was.

2. Like mother, not always like daughter.

Moms and daughters will likely not see eye to eye on everything. Whether it is over which photographer to hire or how to set the table, there are bound to be some snags.

I would love to meet a bride that didn’t have a wedding-related argument with her mom. The best thing to do is take it in stride. One of the best things we did was take a day off from playing wedding. We went shopping, enjoyed lunch and saw a play on a Saturday afternoon. Even though there is a lot to do, it’s helpful to take a break from it all.

3. Ask the pros you know.

It’s nice to have someone who’s done it before. I am fortunate to work with several married women who let me pick their brains. And pick I did. I got several tips that I wouldn’t have found on my own.

They were able to suggest places to go and places to avoid. It’s also helpful to tap your resources. Weddings are costly, and you’ll appreciate cutting any corners you can. Maybe you are friends with a graphic artist or you have an aunt who bakes beautiful cakes. Don’t be afraid to ask them for help.

4. Etiquette, Schmetiquette.

In today’s casual world where jeans are the accepted attire for just about any occasion, weddings are still a place for etiquette questions.

The trouble is, no matter how proper you try to be and how many rules of Emily Post you try to obey, someone will be offended. It’s true you can’t please everyone, and at the end of the day, that’s OK. If Aunt Mabel doesn’t want to sit next to Cousin George, that is her problem, not yours.

5. Don’t get your veil in a knot.

Everyone says something will go wrong, and there’s a good chance it’s true.

The cake may get dropped on the floor, a groomsman might forget his tux or the disc jockey might not show.

There are hundreds of things that might not go according to plan. But those are the things that don’t really matter. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the little details and forget what it’s truly about. Keeping it in perspective is important. Remember why you are there in the first place.

And, if the flowers are wilted and the food tastes like Playdoh, don’t forget: Some things you just have to laugh at.